Worlds Apart

As I was driving home tonight I pulled my old Jars of Clay CD.  You know, the one with "Flood".  But I moved to one of my favorite songs, "Worlds Apart".  This song has been one to impact me many seasons and in many ways.  This constant battle of my flesh vs. my spirit.  This longing to leave so much behind.  This prayer that God would literally take my world apart in order to draw me closer to Him.  To create a love for Him that cannot be shaken.  And time and time again I come before the Lord asking him to once again "take my world apart".  And time and time again he does.  Like this season with Brooklynn and the unknown if she would remain our daughter.  My world was turned upside down, but in the midst of the pain, I was drawn closer to Christ.

I love this song.  I have for many years.  And as I said, it's taken on so many different meanings in different times in my life.  I just wanted to share it (the bridge is my favorite part).



                                                          

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Update on Brooklynn

Family & Friends,

I wanted to provide you an update on where things are right now with our sweet Brooklynn.

Next Tuesday, January 8th - attorneys for our adoption agency will present their case to terminate the birth-father's rights.

He had until December 27th to notify the court he wanted parental rights and our attorney says he did not notify the court.

That means on Tuesday, his rights will be terminated.

There is a chance he could show up and appeal, but it would be long and expensive legal battle for him.

That said, there is still a possibility.

The birth-mom is also expected to terminate her rights on Tuesday, if his rights are terminated.

She would have 10 days to take those rights back.

To our knowledge, she continues to be in support of the adoption.

The next 4 days are big, as the past several weeks have been.

I humbly ask each of you to pray with us over the next 4 days.

We are asking God's will to be done and we believe it will be.

We are also asking favor from God and that he will allow us to parent Brooklynn.  This is not a selfish prayer, this is the desire of our hearts.

We acknowledge that Satan is not pleased with what is taking place and how God is already using Brooklynn's story to impact lives.

Therefore, I ask you to pray for protection from his attacks.

Specifically for Brooklynn, the birth-dad, the birth-mom, our attorneys, the adoption agency and for us.

Thank you all for your love and support during this journey.

Your prayers are having a tremendous impact on our lives and we pray regularly God will bless you as he has used you to bless us.

Ryan & Danielle

Grateful and Hopeful

I work for a pretty cool company.  It encourages you to spend some time reflecting and dreaming and you don't have to share anything with anyone else about it.  I, however, am choosing to share it with you.  We were all challenged to write down 10 things we are grateful for this holiday season and three goals we have for next year.  I figured it only made sense to turn it into a blog post.  In no particular order, here are 10 things I am grateful for.

Thankful for tough times

-Danielle and I have walked through some very difficult times this year - mainly with our adoption of Brooklynn.  I am thankful for the hope our heavenly father provides and that never once did he abandon us.  I am thankful that Danielle and I chose to cling to the promises of the Bible instead of giving into the temptation of saying "whoa is me" during these times.  What we are learning will shape us for the rest of our lives.

Grateful for my Wife

-The greatest honor of my life is that Danielle chose to marry me.  I wish you all could see how amazing she is and how amazing she has been this year.  She keeps our home, takes care of Brooklnn, takes care of me, has dinner ready every night when I get home and gives to others.  I can't wait for another year of many laughs and great experiences together!

Thankful for Brooklynn

-I am thankful for my precious baby.  I have no idea how long she'll be mine, but I know she'll be God's forever.  I am thankful for the joy she brings to us, the added responsibility of being a parent and reminding me how much fun there is in the simplest of things.  I love that I get to hold her, snuggle with her, pray for her, help her, feed her, change her diaper and provide for her. 

Thankful for Family

-I wish everyone was as fortunate as I am to have the family I have.  My parents, Aunt and Uncle, Mother-in-law and Brother-in-law all visited this year.  I also enjoy speaking to my parents regularly.  They are a wealth of knowledge and incredible support.  I continue to talk to my Grandparents on a daily basis and my Nana every Sunday afternoon.  The example they live out every day is inspiring and admirable.  I miss my Sister and Niece and Nephew and can't wait to spend time with them in a week.

Grateful for Friends

-I've always been very private about myself and about life.  One of my goals this year was to open up a little bit more and to take risks with people.  Situations kind of forced that to happen, but I couldn't be more thankful for it.  At 31 years old, I have the best friends in my life.  I have had a friend travel across the country to visit, another friend meets me weekly to pray and read the bible, another friend is always a text message away and has met me early in the morning to pray about life and another friend is always ready for a good laugh.  I had no idea how richly God would bless me in this area when we moved to Nashville a couple years ago.  Our friends have been our family - spending holidays with them, celebrating milestones with them and living life together.  This will always be a season of life I am especially thankful for and consider myself so "rich" by the relationships God has given me.

Grateful for the Outdoors

-I made a goal this year to get outside more.  I live in a beautiful part of the country and there is so much to see.  This year, I have spent more time exploring parks and lakes around us.  During the hot Summer months, I took every chance I could to get outside and sweat in the beauty of nature.  During these times, I found myself with such admiration for creation and a closeness to the Lord I haven't felt at other times.

Thankful I have chosen to be more direct

-As simple as this sounds, one of my goals this year has been to be more direct in my communication with people.  As a guy who always wanted to please people, I found myself not being as direct as I should be at times.  This year, I have worked on clearly communicating with people - being direct, honest and respectful.  It's made a big difference.

Appreciating Sacrifice

-This is a broad thing to be grateful for, but one I think a lot about.  Before I get up each day, there are so many people who have already sacrificed for me.  First, God sacrificing his son for my salvation, then I think of my cousin serving in the Middle East with many others so I can live a relatively easy life, I think of family who sacrificed for me, I think of my wife who sacrifices all the time for me, I think of friends who have sacrificed for me and the list goes on.  Sacrifice is a great thing and I am so thankful for it.

Grateful for Travel

-We have covered a lot of miles this year!  Danielle and I went home for the holidays last year and are doing the same in a week, we spent time on the beaches of South Carolina, visited Charleston, explored Charlotte including the Billy Graham Museum, went to Arkansas, then to Missouri, we've explored the caves of Kentucky, the Bourbon Trail, spent time in one of my favorite cities, Atlanta and so much more.  I love to travel because I like to appreciate the beautiful place we call earth!

Thankful for the Lord

-I've mentioned it throughout this post in various ways, but more this year than any other year in my life - the Lord has been my rock.  I chose to follow him years ago and I finally feel like I am starting to understand what it means to really live for him, or at least try.  He has been my protector, my strength, my encourager, my source of joy, my accountability, my provider and the one I get to praise.  I have spent years admiring those who really loved and trusted the Lord and I'm starting to get a better glimpse of how you get to that place in life where he is all you need, all you want and all you desire.  I have a long ways to go, but I am slowly getting to a point where nothing else matters.

10 things I am thankful for.  It's good stuff. I am a blessed man and I don't take it for granted.  This has been a challenging year, but an incredible year.  I have seen God work in my life and those around me in huge ways.  I have seen God restore marriages, provide for the poor, encourage the hopeless, meet all kinds of needs, comfort the lonely and heal the sick.  I have witnessed God provide strength in the tough times and praised him in the good times.  I have cried out to God and he has answered me.  As 2012 comes to an end, I praise God for this year and how he has drawn so many closer to him.

Giving Thanks

Colossians 3:17-18
¹⁷And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


It is a cool winter day here in Nashville.  The sun is bright, the sky is blue and my heart is content.  How can this be?  I keep asking myself and even God if I should be sad or depressed with everything that has been happening in the past several weeks with Brooklynn.  It's been hard.  It has pushed me, it has tested me, but I feel satisfied today.  I feel full in life.  It just doesn't make sense because I know Satan is on the attack, I know he wants to take us down.  He's trying and he's stepping up his fight.  I see it around me, I see it close to me - but I feel secure.  I feel secure in the Lord.


My mind is at peace.  Even if it is just for a second, I feel at a peace.  This is alone is reason to give thanks.  This alone is reason to smile, to be joyful.  I know hard moments are here, I know hard moments are ahead, but I know God is in control.  I have surrendered control of my life. 



So even if just for a moment, even if just for a day - I give thanks to God.  Even in the most challenging of times, he can provide what we can't provide for ourselves.  He can provide the stamina, energy, the mindset, peace, power, control, the willingness and the ability to live through today.


For this, I give thanks.  

-Ryan

Update on Brooklynn

Family & Friends,

It's been a while since we gave you an update on where things are with Brooklynn.

The reason being, there hasn't been much of an update.

However, this morning we received word that the adoption agency's attorney has served papers to the birth-father's attorney to terminate his rights.

The birth-father has 30 days from today to respond or his rights will be terminated.

This is what we had prayed would happen and we are thankful for that.

During the 30 day period, the birth-dad could order a paternity test to prove he is her father and we could lose her.

If he proved this, it would be a battle over her between the birth-dad and birth-mom and we wouldn't have her anymore.

He may also choose to do nothing and then birth-mom would terminate her rights (which she has told us she wants to do) and we would keep Brooklynn.

We know a lot could happen in the next 30 days, so we tread very carefully.

We are confident that God's plan will prevail and we'll trust him no matter what happens.

The verse that comes to mind today for both Brooklynn and for us is:
Jeremiah 29:11-13

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

We have had two consistent prayers throughout this process.

First, that God would protect Brooklynn and make sure she is with the family she is supposed to be with.  We pray that is with us.

Second, that God would be pleased with our response and our actions during this time.

We also  ask you join us in praying for the birth-father and the birth-mother.

Knowing how much I love Brooklynn, I have utmost respect for both of them and the decision they both are going to have to make - one way or the other.

We met with the birth-mother a couple weeks ago.  We told her people across this country and around the world were praying for her.

She was overwhelmed that you all would be bringing her before the Lord.  We ask you continue to do this.

Danielle and I are so thankful for each of you.

The impact you have had on our lives is impossible to put into words.

This season of life hasn't been easy, but it sure is sweet.

I have never felt closer to the Lord and Danielle's faith and strength is simply incredible to see and to witness.

She is an incredible Mom, incredible wife and a model for women in the way she trusts the Lord when times are tough and when they are fun.

And there are lots of fun times!

As for Brooklynn, she continues to grow.

She is 8 weeks now.

Sleeping 5-6 hours a night.

She is starting to play with toys, smiles, sitting up a bit more and loves to fly above our heads!

We'll keep you all posted on what happens next.

Thanks for your ongoing prayer and support for our little one.

Ryan and Danielle

Trust in the Lord

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lead not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, submit to him and he will make your path straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

This is a verse I am trying to figure out, trying to understand and trying to live out.

"Trust in the Lord" is something that rolls off our tongues, but rarely shows up in our lives.

I like how dictionary.com explains the meaning of the word "Trust."

It says "trust" is the confident expectation of something or "hope."

So the first part of this verse means we are to have confident expectation or hope in the Lord...

It goes onto say, not leaning on your own understanding.

I take this to mean, not leaning on what I know - but being confident in the hope of the Lord - which we all know is greater than anything we know.

Then in Proverbs 3:6 - we are told to submit to the Lord so he can make our path right.

Without submitting to the Lord, our path won't be straight - or it won't be aligned with what the Lord has for us.

So here I am pondering this verse about my own life.

Am I being confident and hopeful in the Lord?
Am I admitting my own understanding is limited, but his understanding is great?

It sure would be nice to say it is, but I don't think it is most of the time.

I find myself putting limits to what God is capable of doing because I don't have a limitless mind.

I think all of us do this.

I try to take control of every situation instead if submitting it over to him.

We are all human so I know there are things we need to submit and hand over to the Lord.

Let's give him our concerns and let's decide not to limit what he can do through them or how he can resolve them.

-Ryan

Refusing to ask "why"

In the past couple days, I have asked God a lot of questions about our situation.  By now, you probably know we are facing the realization that our Baby Brooklynn may not be with us as long as we wanted.  But one question I refuse to ask is "why."  Throughout my life, I have witnessed people demanding to know "why" in situations they go through, but I just won't ask that question.  Here's "why"....

Despite my broken heart, so many tears, feeling  exhausted physically and emotionally - I believe without a doubt that God is walking us through this journey for a purpose.  Weeks ago, I started a blog post with the verse "For I know the plans I have for you declare the Lord, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  This comes from Jeremiah 29:11 and 12.  This is an easy verse to claim when it feels like everything is going in the right direction, but it's even more true when you have lost control and are at the mercy of the Lord.  We are praying, you are praying and our wonderful savior is listening.

Today, we accept that all control is gone, our hope for what we wanted is fading - but the promise that there is hope tomorrow is stronger than ever.

Family and Friends, if you get nothing else from what we are going through - hear this.  In the darkest days of our lives thus far, I bear witness to the fact that God's love and strength are enough.  Not for a second, has God left our side and my friends - he is at your side as well.  I know it, I believe it and I claim it.  I want you to do the same, this experience just isn't worth it if you aren't willing to claim the promises of Christ.

This morning, I surrendered everything to him and man was it hard.  I even said, "Lord - if it is your will, take my daughter and please protect her."  God knows I want her with us as long as we are here and this continues to be my prayer - but I am willing to do whatever God wants.

Finally, I encourage you to praise God for this situation.  I know I am trying!  As tough as things are, there is joy to be had.  God has given us great days with Brooklynn and we have no idea how many more we will have, God has used us to care for this little girl in her time of need, God is using this little girl to bring others close to him, he using her to bring people together and we know this is just the beginning.

So, let's not ask why.  Let's look forward with great anticipation to God  continuing to reveal himself through this situation.

Danielle, Brooklynn, myself and our families are grateful for your prayers and support.  Countless churches are praying for our situation coast to coast and around the world.  We are truly humbled that so many of you have put aside what you are going through to pray for us and reach out to us.  The truths you are speaking about the Lord are so powerful.