The Original Three

Throughout my life, I have focused on having three types of people in my life. People that build into me, people that hold me accountable and people I get to build my life into. Over the next few days, I will write about these different people in my life because I think the lessons learned from them are so valuable both for you and for me and these lessons deserve to be in writing. Today, I am going to write about "The Original Three." These are three guys I met when I began doing youth ministry many years ago. It was my calling to build into their lives, but what I learned from them far outweighs anything I could have taught or given them. Today, I am honored to call these guys, now adults, friends. In no particular order, here are some valuable lessons I learned from them. I hope you'll learn something too. Chris I met Chris when he was in 6th grade. Chris always walked into our youth room full of energy and excitement. He made people laugh! Chris and I used to eat pancakes with his family before church and then go to Starbucks. We found so much to laugh about! We took every chance we got to laugh at ourselves. Chris taught me to slow down a little bit and enjoy the process of life. I remember teaching him how to drive my car which had a manual transmission. Yeah, because that's what a youth worker should be doing with his students! Like any good driving teacher, I took him on a hill the first time, a steep one. Of course, the car stalled and Chris didn't worry or get panicked, he laughed. What a gift! Through so many things over the years, Chris chose to smile and accept what was going on - instead of focusing on everything that was wrong. Chris is a successful guy now doing what he loves - selling cars. Chris is successful because he focuses on what is good and refuses to let tough times take him out. Jeremy Jeremy didn't want to talk to me the first time he met me at youth group. He was shy and so was I! After all these years, finally talking to me probably seems like the biggest mistake of his life! Ha! Truthfully though, Jeremy is a gift from God and a gift to my family. Jeremy didn't have it easy. In fact, Jeremy had it pretty tough - but you sure wouldn't know it now. I am not going to go into specific details, but let me just say - Jeremy overcame circumstances few could overcome. I know it's because he had faithful parents, solid people in his life and a God who loves him. I always appreciated that Jeremy would ask God to prove himself to him - and God certainly did. So what lessons do we learn from Jeremy's life? The thing that stands out to me the most is: Jeremy faced his fears, so can I. As a child, as a student and as an adult, Jeremy has faced his fears and done so better than anyone I know. Jeremy is honest about life, has an incredible memory and a great sensitivity to people. I believe God has blessed Jeremy with these traits by the way he handled everything that came his way. I am so proud of Jeremy. He is college graduate, successfully working in the financial industry and living for the Lord. I thank Jeremy for teaching me that great things come out of tough times. Chase Oh, what I would do right now to have the opportunity to sit at the dinner table with Chase and his family. I met Chase when he was in middle school. I instantly hit it off with him and his family. I know I needed them more than they needed me. Chase became my little brother. We would share meals together with his parents, we would go to various church events and find countless ways to laugh at each other - and others too! But what I have always appreciated about Chase is how good he makes people around him feel. I always wanted new students to be around Chase because he didn't care where you came from, what you are going through or who you are - he just wanted you to be happy and have a good time. Everybody liked Chase because Chase liked everybody. As Chase has gotten older, his love and acceptance of people has grown. Chase is a hard worker and cares deeply for people. It was so great to have him stand beside me on my wedding day. You've just read the stories of three people who I thought I would get to impact. Instead, God used them to impact me. I hope they know that. We all live miles apart, but I certainly cherish the friendships I have with "The Original Three" - and am thankful God used them to teach me to focus on what is good, to persevere through tough times and to love those around me. I'm proud of these three young men for following their dreams, attempting to live the best life they can and for their friendship. I have been blessed by their lives and I know others will be as well. When you feel God calling you to be part of someone's life, don't ignore it. Who knows? You may be on the verge of getting a new friendship that will last a lifetime. Next post... The three people that impacted me.

Life in Nashville

You probably have read some of our Facebook and Twitter posts and have seen our big news on here about the adoption happening, but I realized I hadn't written much to update you on our lives here lately. Next month, we will celebrate four years of marriage and 2 years in Nashville. I must say, it seems a little strange that half of our married life and soon to be more will have been spent here in Nashville. Here is a quick update on what has been happening and what we have been learning here in Middle Tennessee. As you know, Danielle and I felt God calling us here to Nashville a couple years ago. We had been praying about what he wanted us to do and where he wanted us to go. At the time, we couldn't pinpoint exactly where we would be going, but we knew we'd be leaving all that was familiar to us. An opportunity came up for me in Nashville. I interviewed and took the job. My how time flies. I'll never forget when I was interviewing here and drove to Gaylord Opryland. It wasn't open yet because of the flood, but I pulled in the parking lot and I called Danielle. I told her this was the place I felt God was calling us. I was scared, anxious, nervous, excited and felt so much peace about it. Two years later, I must say I still have those feelings at times - especially the peace from God. Living here has been an adjustment for us in many ways. In some ways, it has been very easy. Going to church is a normal thing to do, people say they pray for you all the time. Nashville has a healthy economy, you don't see people struggling here the way they do in other places. We know it is happening, it's just not as evident. People here are proud to be from Nashville. They take great pride in this part of the country - like I have never seen before. On the flip side, this is not an accepting culture. I see so many people here longing to be loved for who they are. Sure, this is the case everywhere - but it's different here. Because of a well-documented past, people here still struggle to accept each other the ways you see in other parts of the country. We are honored that people here have accepted us and we have embraced the people of Nashville. Enough of my assessment on Nashville. Here is what Danielle and I have been learning. We have learned to take care of ourselves by ourselves. I am so thankful we learned this at such an early part of our marriage. We haven't had our parents available to rescue us or take care of us. We have learned to rely on each other for everything. This has made us so much stronger as a couple. At the same time, we have learned that God provides the right people in your life at the right time. Because we don't have family here, we learned that friends can also be family. Never in my life have I been blessed so much by friendships. We have celebrated holidays with friends, birthdays and so much more. We have leaned on them to help us and I hope we have been there for them. The word friendship has a new meaning to us and we are so fortunate God put these people in our lives. We have learned God gives us direction. From the moment we moved here, God has been guiding us. He has shown us which steps to take and where to go. God is doing a great work in our hearts. He is teaching us patience, understanding and trust. I don't think we would have learned this if we hadn't made the move here. Living here, Danielle and I have been able to see so much of the country. We have been to Arkansas, Missouri, Alabama, Illinois, North and South Carolina and all over Tennessee. It's been important for us to embrace the culture and the people here. We are doing that. This is making this experience in our lives so much sweeter. All of this to say, we long for our family. I long to share dinner with my parents, to sit and visit with my Grandparents, to give my Nana a hug, to play with my niece and nephew, to talk with my sister, to walk along the lake by my in-laws home and breathe in the fresh air. There is one thing that hasn't been replaced on this move and that's the love I have for my family. I miss them every day and long to be with them again. God has taught me to pray so much more and I'm so thankful for that. Danielle and I believe God is the creator of our future and we are looking forward to what he has in store for us. That said, I could never have planned this part of our journey better and I have a feeling the next part will be just the same. We know many of you have brought us before the Lord and we thank you for it. God is stirring up a great passion in our hearts and we look forward to seeing him make things clear to us in the months and years to come. -Ryan

You're adopting, now what?

Several times a day, I walk by a room in our home that is nearly empty. I look through the door and see a large giraffe some dear friends gave us a while ago for our baby's room. This giraffe will always be special to us. It is a visual reminder that before our child is born, people are already praying for him or her. As "someday parents" who have prayed a long time for this child, it is so encouraging to know others are praying as well. At times, I go in the baby's room and stand and look around. I imagine what it will be like someday. I know some nights I'll be picking the child up and wiping away his or her tears, I know other days I will be rocking him or her to sleep and other times we'll be playing and having fun. I can't wait to walk in there and see our baby stand-up and smile - anticipating us coming to lift him or her from the crib. When we began the adoption the process, I really protected my heart and even my emotions. I still do. But as time goes on, I'm allowing myself feel the future. I have prayed about this a lot and I feel this what God wants of me. I'm allowing myself to ask questions, to wonder what it will be like to parent an adopted child. We've done a lot of research, talked to a lot of people, read a lot of books - but none of that can really prepare my heart. That's for God to do and I leave it to him to change my heart. The one consistent thing about this adoption process is waiting. That's what we are doing. We are waiting and praying. It's actually a really good place to be. We know we may be waiting and praying for years and we're okay with that. Sure, we want things sooner - but we're learning patience. We have seen Satan try and take us down through this process. He tries to discourage us and I know he's ramping up his efforts, but life experience and knowledge and faith and verses from the bible remind us our God is victorious and the battle is already won. You know another thing I have really appreciated about this process? I've significantly increased how much I pray. I communicate with God a lot more often and I'm my relationship with him is growing and changing and I know it will continue to do so. So today, I wait. I'll walk into the baby's room this evening - which until a few weeks ago, I called the extra bedroom and I'll pray. I'll pray for our child's birth-mother, I'll pray for the birth-mother's heart, for her life, for her safety, for her protection and I'll pray for her child. I'll pray that she'll be pleased with how we raise her child, that God will bless her in mighty ways for sacrificing and that God will meet all of her needs. This is a beautiful time in our lives. We are getting an education that money can't buy, but one only the holy spirit can provide. I will forever treasure these days and the time with Danielle that I really cherish. Ryan

Our News

Family & Friends,   We have some news to share with you - and we know it will come as a surprise for some, but we feel now is the right time to share with you.  Danielle and I have begun the process of adopting a child.  We began praying about this a long time ago.  Both of us thought about it before we got married and we discussed it more after marriage.  The Lord used a conference that Danielle attended last year to make it clear to us that he was calling us to adopt a child.  At the root of this calling for us is: How do we give back what we have been given?  We are often reminded that to whom much is given, even more is expected.  We know we have been given a lot in life and we know even more is expected of us - and this is part of that.   While volunteering at the church early last year, Danielle came across an adoption agency.  We did some investigating and decided to go with them.  Since this is on the internet, we are being a bit a vague on a few things like the agency, but you are welcome to ask us anything individually over email, the phone or any other private way of communicating!  Back to the agency...we chose this particular agency because it is there for the mother, her family and the child which directly lines up with our purpose and values.   So, how did we get to today?  Beginning last fall, we filled out a lot of paperwork, attended a meeting, filled out some more paperwork, attended some weekly classes through the winter and filled out a lot more paperwork!  We were interviewed individually and together in the Spring - both by the agency and a psychiatrist.  We then had our home-study earlier this Summer, another round of interviews and a final home-study.  Danielle made some scrapbooks for prospective birth-mothers to look at and our home-study was just recently approved - which brings us to today.   Later this month, we will officially begin waiting for the child the Lord has for us.  This could take weeks, it could take months, it could take years.  However long it takes, we know this is what God has called us to do and we are preparing as best we can for the child he will provide for us.  As we talked about what God was asking of us, we felt the Lord calling us to be open to a few things.  One of those is that we are open to loving a child with disabilities, another is that we are open to loving a child of another race.   I expect you to be wondering right now if we are unable to have children of our own.  As far as we know, we can!  We have been called to adoption at this time in our lives and have responded to the call.  We have no idea what the future holds, how many children we will have, if we will adopt again or get pregnant.    This is a lot to process right now and we want you to feel free to ask either of us questions.  We will be posting more on this in the days ahead and we will also be making our blog private to protect our information and give you more access in our lives during this exciting time.  It is our prayer that we will honor the Lord as we pursue what he has in store for us.  We appreciate your prayers and support going forward and are so thankful to have you part of our lives and this great journey!   Much more to come in the days and weeks ahead.   Love, Ryan & Danielle 

October 18 Reflections

I am a writer. I like to start each piece with a killer sentence. Something that will shock you, something that will grab your attention. Something you will resonate with. I could start this piece with a line about one of our first nights here and our first experience with a tornado warning...the fear, the intimidation of it, the respect for it and our longing to return to all that was comfortable. I could start this with a line about the emotion we had driving out of Portland for the last time - emotion so intense, there wasn't a bodily function to express it. I could write about the disappointment we felt after attending our first church service here - knowing we were totally under dressed and lonely and would be lonely for another week. I could write about the excitement we felt the first night we went out to dinner with a couple and came away feeling like we had met new friends. I could write about the fresh air that I walked in each morning or the intense humidity that greeted me when I opened the door on a mid-summer morning. I could talk about the joy we felt when Danielle was offered a job at the church. You get the point by now. This isn't about one event or one story, this about many stories and many lessons we have learned in our first year in Nashville.

The Lord brought us to this place. It's not perfect, it's not a place I would have picked - it's a place he picked and he chose us as imperfect people to be part of . We struggled at times this last year. The first couple months were hard. We felt lonely, scared, longing for friends and longing for a place that felt like home. But through it all, we knew this was his plan and what would evolve would not be what we wanted or how we planned, but what we he wanted and what he planned. I remember waking up several mornings wondering what we were doing here. All I knew is that he wanted us here and he would allow things to happen that regularly reminded us of that truth. It took time, but we became content in it. He taught us to believe in ways we never had, to love each other in ways we didn't know we could and he is delivering his plan to us step-by-step...which is better than anything we could have imagined ourselves.

It's only fitting to recap what a year it has been and give our great God the praise for what he is doing in Nashville and how he using this place and the people here to challenge us and grow us. Our first experience with storms happened about 48 hours after we arrived. We lived through it and lived through many more. We have learned what clouds to fear, what clouds to ignore, we have seen the sky pitch black in the middle of the day and felt the power of the fierce winds and intense humidity in the middle of the night. In the winter, we got to experience one of Nashville's worst snowfalls in many years. There were several major snow events (more than 2 inches) this year which is much more than the city normally gets. We learned here that driving in the snow here means stopping on hills and tailgating the person in front of you - no matter how much ice may be on the road! The spring was wonderful with warm weather early plus a few storms. The summer brought heat and humidity that Ryan loved and Danielle preferred to avoid. We experienced Cicadas. Giant and very loud bugs that appear once every 13 years. They weren't the only bugs we saw, we also saw some big spiders along some of our favorite walking trails. Throughout this year, I have been reminded God has a since of humor and I think he's using us and our experiences to entertain him!

Enough with the weather, here's the good stuff! We have seen more of this incredible country than we ever imagined! On our way here, we drove through Idaho, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois and Kentucky. In the Spring, Danielle and I got away for a few days in Atlanta. In the Summer, we visited friends in Springfield, Missouri and spent a day in Branson, time in Memphis, Louisville and Indianapolis. During a visit with Danielle's parents, we visited a space museum in Huntsville, Alabama. We have seen countless places around Nashville and appreciated so much of this nation's great history.

Our family has been a huge support to us. Both sets of our parents visited, Ryan's Grandparents spent time with us as did Danielle's brother. Their support through this year has been wonderful and so special. I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said we haven't missed watching our niece and nephew grow up. Even during the toughest moments, I have to remember that God brought us to this place and wants us here. I can't begin to tell you what an assurance this truth has been - and one we believe will hold up until he moves us somewhere else.

Our friends! What a special gift. The first couple we met was a couple a little older than our parents. Dave and Reba have been so wonderful. They invited us to church and we soon started attending there, they helped us get involved at church and have had us over for dinner numerous times. This has been a very special relationship that we are so thankful for. They really have been a gift from God - especially during the first few months here when we felt alone.

We got plugged in to a Sunday School at church. Danielle was sick the first Sunday so Ryan went alone. I was terrified, but so glad I went. That first week, another couple came for the first time. Over time, we became friends with them. We met another couple as well that we became instantly close with. They were in our lives for a short period of time before moving to Missouri for work, but we all remain close friends and talk several times a week. We have visited them and had many great conversations. We have become close with another couple as well. This is in addition to several other relationships we now have. Ryan meets with a group of guys for coffee every other Friday and Danielle has several friends she meets with on a regular basis.

Our jobs! Yep, the Lord is providing! Ryan's job is going well. I continue to grow and learn new things. I am managing a group of about 80 people. They stretch me, drive me crazy, make me laugh and do great work! They are a group of hard-working people - and let me say, the Lord is alive in this newsroom! God is working on the hearts of people here and there are a number of believers praying for non-believers. It is an exciting thing to be part of.

Danielle came here without a job. We didn't know if she would work or if she would volunteer. She started volunteering for a pastor at our church. Over time, she was offered her dream job with the Youth Ministry. She plans many of the events and is an administrative assistant to the High School Pastor. She also coordinates volunteers to work at the front desk. She is really enjoying it and people are loving here! I can brag, I am her husband! A lady came up to me a couple of Sundays ago and wanted me to know how much people appreciate my wife. She went on to tell me that Danielle keeps things organized and truly shows that she cares for people. It is so exciting to see the Lord using Danielle in this area.

We have been having so much fun experiencing new things. From new restaurants, to pumpkin patches, new stores, new towns and new adventures. This place is truly a special place to us.

As I reflect on this year, I am thankful. God is taking care of us and meeting our needs in more ways than we could imagine. He is paving the way for us. I look back on the past 12 months and have a hard time accepting all that has happened because it truly has been so much. We believed when we began dating that God would move us somewhere. We felt and emptiness and a longing for him to do more with our lives. My friends and family, he is doing it. We are full and satisfied with what is taking place each day. God is changing us and allowing us to be challenged and grow in new ways. We don't know what happens next, but we know he is leading the way. We are so thankful for so many people who have prayed for us and encouraged us along this journey. This is an exciting time in our history and we look forward to the future he has planned for us.

-Ryan

Also, today is our 3 year Anniversary!

Is it really October?

Where has the time gone?? I feel like it was just the beginning of summer, and here we are..October!

It seems that so much has been happening in the Hawes House. And we are looking forward to so much.

First, for those who don't know...my "sprained" knee turned out to be a torn ACL. Which means Surgery. That happens in November...I am a little nervous to be honest. We have been told the recovery can take a while and the physical therapy is intense. I am thankful for Ryan who will take good care of me!

My parents were here in August. We had such a great time visiting with them. We went to Carnton Plantation, Opryland, Jack Daniel's, Huntsville and so much more. It was so wonderful seeing them. We hadn't seen them since Christmas.

Speaking of visitors, my brother also came for a visit. I loved just chilling with him. I have missed that guy!

Work has been crazy good for both Ryan and I. For me, the school year has started up. We started our small groups and activities for the year! It is so much fun. I love my job so much! I work with great people, and my small group is pretty awesome. Love those girls! We are in the midst of busy season. Back to back events...and I am so excited. Currently I am planning our Halloween Bash, and it's going to be so great! And scary (yikes)! Ryan is loving is his job! They just launched their new set and it looks awesome! So proud of him and how hard he works.

Speaking of Ryan...we are nearing his birthday. But I will post more about that later! With that, we are going to go see the Colts (my team) beat the Chiefs (Ryan's team). We cannot wait!

We are also getting ready to celebrate three years of marriage! I cannot believe it has been three years. I so love being married to Ryan. We have so much fun!

Well, I just wanted to share a brief recap on our lives the past couple of months. I really should try and do this more often!

Leadership

Leadership is a great thing. Being in a position of leadership can be a very painful thing.
One of the rewarding things I get to do is build into future leaders. I think every leader wants future leaders to learn from their mistakes.
I have a different approach that requires a lot less talking and a lot more living. My goal is to let leaders make mistakes and be there for them when they do.
Just like I need to make mistakes, future leaders need to make them too. They don't need someone to tell them what they did wrong, they need someone to tell them
what to do when you're at rock bottom and there's no one around to pick you up. Do something different today. Invest in a leader. Let them make mistakes, lots of them - then be there for them when no one else is.
Remind them that part of being a leader is making a mistake. Don't talk about your mistakes. They don't matter. Listen to what they did and patiently (and quietly) let them discover success.
I assure you this will be an example of a leader they want to model. Remember, some of the most influential people say some of the fewest words.

-Ryan